I could make wine with my vomit
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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