How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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