There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize