There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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