so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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