How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
