Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
