Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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