More tranny stories later!
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
