btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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