At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
