I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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