look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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