dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i came on her dog
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
