What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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