'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
