Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
