you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
