I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
