found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
So vagazzling was a success
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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