he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
