he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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