Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
