He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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