I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
