You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
