I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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