I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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