Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
