I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
