i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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