Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
There r osticjed everywhere
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
