You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
