dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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