Your tits are I can't wait for
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
