Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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