That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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