that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
