I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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