I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
