already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
she peed on how many people?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
