I'm pants shitting drunk right now
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize