What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
