haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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