Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I stole a fireplace last night.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
