Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
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