Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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