youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
