maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
