I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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