ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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