If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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