did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
