He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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