me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
When are your genitals available?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
