like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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