I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
