my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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