i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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