I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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