what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Randomize
