oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Is it because I queefed?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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