Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
