The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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