Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Randomize
