Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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