Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm at about main and main street
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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