i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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