Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
