im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
