pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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