If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
