Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
