there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
