I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
