Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
