my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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