he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
