If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
