Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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