I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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