She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
