it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize