i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
