she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
my being single is dangerous.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize