Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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