dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
