Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
