yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize