he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
