I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
