I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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