Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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