What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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