It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
