Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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