do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
