just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
