What did we do last night that was yellow?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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