Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
